All in the Name of Randomness
by Fullmidget Alchemist
Summary: What do you get when you fill a house with random anime and manga characters? Ch. 9! The crew makes a shopping list and goes to Costco! Itachi eats TV dinners, Deidara is..Deidara, and Envy's in a shopping cart! Smidgents of ItachixOC...lots of randomness
1. Welcome to Hell

I decided to write a fanfic using characters from many different series. I mean MANY. Note that Azuki Oshira is a character of my own design, as is Super-Tamagotchi-Man-With-Okonomiyaki.

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE FOLLOWING ANIME/MANGA CHARACTERS AND STUFF MENTIONED BELOW OTHER THAN WHAT I STATED ABOVE! I'm not gonna say 'I do not own -insert anime name here-' cuz there are WAY to many different animes mentioned here.**

oOoOoOo

* * *

Uchiha Itachi walked into the main hall of the humongous house he shared with Azuki Oshira. Yawning, he shuffled along, bags under his eyes and hair tousled in every direction. He reached and opened the door to the living room... 

..and found a room full of anime characters staring back at him.

* * *

**WELCOME TO HELL!**

* * *

Itachi, who was lying on the floor, his bunny slippers still skidding down the hall, had a baffled expression on his face, "What the...WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE!" 

"Oh, Hi Ita-san!" said a young girl with long blonde hair tied in a ponytail on top of her head. Her bangs swished as she rode over to the baffled Uchiha on a giant turtle. No, the turtle was not Master Guy, it was...TAMA-CHAN! DUN DUN DUU NAA!

"What the hell are you riding?" Itachi said, his already-frazzled hair now sticking out in even more places. Oh, and just to tickle all the little fangirls pink, his hair wasn't tied up as it usually was, allowing him to be seen in all his long-haired-glory. Yummy.

"Giant turtle. Name is Tama-chan. She can fly too. But right now she's really big for some reason." Azuki said, patting the turtle on the head.

"Where did you get it?" the young Uchiha asked with the look of sheer confuzzlement still embedded upon his face.

"Borrowed it from a show called 'Love Hina'. Speaking of which, lets go hide in the kitchen while Naru and Kagome duke it out."

-scene of Kagome and Naru swordfighting. Yuuko laughing on sidelines.-

"But...my sofas..." Itachi moaned. After all, they were HIS beautiful sofa's from the Lay-Z-Boy sofa shoppe or whatever it was called. But seriously, no one wants a hyper red-haired super hacker bouncing on their sofas screaming, "ED IS HUNGRY!". Or anyone hyper, for that matter.

* * *

-in the kitchen-

* * *

"Ok...what the hell is going on?" Itachi said, pouring himself an EXTRA STRONG cup of coffee. Like, maybe even expresso. He was gonna need it, after all. What, with all the random anime characters now smooshed into his _beautiful_ living room. Worst of all, he thought he'd seen Deidara somewhere in there. _Please, not him...or her...or whatever it is...I can't deal with Deidara today!_

"I told you last night before you fell asleep, I was inviting a few friends over for summer break."

"A FEW! YOU CALL THAT A FEW!" Itachi screamed, note that he had a very Watanuki-esque look on his face. See pages 45 and 115 of xxxHolic volume 1 for reference pictures.

"Yes. You said it was okay..." She lowered her eyelids seductivley and moved herself closer to him. "...right, Ita-san...?..._Onegai..." _She breathed in the scent of his hair._"He's been using my Herbal Essences again..."_ she thought as she pressed herself closer to the now bullet-sweating Uchiha.

Itachi staggered backwards, startled by his girlfriend's movements._ "And that... word..." _he shivered. _"...when she says it, I..." _He took a few breaths, trying to calm himself down. "Okay, okay. Can you please let me get dressed, now? I don't enjoy being seen in my boxers by complete strangers."

She gave him a quick peck on the lips, "Okay, but then I want to introduce you to some people afterwards!" Itachi walked away towards the bedroom while Azuki began prancing around the kitchen like...well like she'd been elected Fuhrer or something. _"Haha...sucker! That gets him every time..." _she thought..._"Plus we all know saying 'Onegai' makes him all excited. Its like he's in Chobits or something. Maybe if I said 'Chii' and threw natto on my facehe'd..." _Her thoughts of evil came to a stop as she came to the realizationthat she had knocked over the sugar jar. 'NOOOOOOOO!" she screamed as she began gobbling up all the spilled sugar on the floor.

"Hey Azuki-chan, are you-" a woman with light-pink hair and a guitar on her back popped her head into the kitchen. _"Is she licking sugar off the floor? Man, there is something wrong with that girl..." _she thought. Then, her evil senses kicked in as she whipped out a camera and began talking pictures. " I can sell these on eBay and then I can buy that Zetsu doll that Kisame is selling!" she cackled. Azuki, noticing Haruhara-san's evil actions, promptly threw a purple sandal at her, knocking her out.

"HEY! I HEARD SOMEONE THROW MY SANDAL!" now the door was once again knocked down by the apparently-PMSing woman with dreadlocks. A housewife and owner of a **butcher shop**, no less. _"Great...meatwoman is here." _thought Azuki as she prepared for Izumi to bring down the stove on her head.

"HAVE NO FEAR...SNAKEMAN IS HERE!", Ayame pranced through the kitchen like the graceful creature that he wasand handed Mrs. Curtis a brand-spankin-new sandal. Yay Ayame-san!

"I AM SNAKEMAN." Orochimaru hissed at the long-haired Sohma, who was apparently wearing more of his 'merchandise'. This time, it was a pink French Maid dress. (Ayame is wearing the dress; not Orochimaru. That'd be just creepy...)

"I AM KITSUNE, HEAR ME ROAR!", screamed an obviously drunk Mitsune Konno as she roared like a lion_. "She should hang out with Tsunade...I'm sure they'd get along, if you gave them enough sakè."_ Azuki sighed as more and more people filed into the kitchen, including some random headless Gantz characters, and Oh joy!Gundams! Finally, as a drunk Largo passed out on her floor and burped, she stood up and screamed, "WILL EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"

* * *

...SILENCE...

...and...

...cicadas...

* * *

"Wow, someone's pissed." 

"WHO SAID THAT!" the blonde girl said, looking over the crowd with murderous intent.

"Uhm, it was me...un.", ahandshot up in the crowd; a 'mouthy' hand...hehehe...

"DEIDARA!" she exploded, throwing chairs and whatever else was around at the androgenous young Akatsuki. Oh, and she threw Envy too. Just cuz he's weird.

"I knew it! He/she/it IS here!", Itachi said as he walked back into the kitchen, now dressed in black pants and a fishnet top. Fangirl screams could be heard for miles.

-themesong from .hack/sign starts playing-

"ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!", argh fangirls everywhere! even in the cheese drawer of my refrigerator! NOO!

"DAMMIT FANGIRLS, GET AWAY FROM HERE! AND TAKE YOUR STUPID DOG TOO!" Azuki screeched, throwing many fangirls, cameras, and a teary-eyed Scrappy Doo out the windows.

"Hey, hey, Azuki-chan...calm down..." Itachi said soothingly as walked behind her and put his arms around her slender neck. "They're not trying to be annoying. They just are. Like Deidara." He nibbled softlyon her ear while yet more fangirls watched, this time with tears streaming down their faces. _"Why can't he be with ME?" _they all thought. CUZ HE'S MINE! MUAHAHAHA! INSERT-ALUCARD-STYLE-LAUGH-HERE!

* * *

Then...SUPER-TAMAGOTCHI-MAN-WITH-OKONOMIYAKIFLEW(?) THROUGH THE AIR!

* * *

"HEY LOSER, GIVE ME SOME OKONOMIYAKI OR ELSE!" ordered a young girl in Sound uniform. Yup, Tayuya is in here too. Super-Tamagotchi-Man quickly dropped a bag of okonomiyakis and ran off. Everyone dove for the bag, but instead landed on a note that said 'Haha, suckers.' A boy with long blonde hair wearing a red trench coat (Edo-kun!) was seen running away carrying a rather large bag. 

"Aww...now what can we eat? I'm hungry..." whined the cast of Black Cat with growling stomachs. Then Gluttony walked by and ate them all. Except Train. He lived. Yaaay!

"Haha losers, I don't need to eat."

"Yes, YES YOU DO! EAT, SERAS FISHTORIA!" cackled YES, ALUCARD, "DON'T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR DESTINY!"

"Oh, so its not 'Police Girl' anymore, its something even MORE degrading? Bloody hell..." she glared at the man clad in red. "Fishtoria? I mean really..." Sir Integra shook her head, "You can do better than that...pitiful...simply pitiful..."

"HEY, HEY, CAN WE GET BACK TO THE SCRIPT!", screamed a director. Hell, lets make him some random guy from RENT.

"What's a script?" Everyone asked, blank looks on their faces. Don Patchi even did his famous 'Do the Stupid.' look.

"NEVERMIND!" he ran off "I'M GOING BACK TO MY OWN MOVIE!"

"CAN I BE MIMI?" Azuki asked as the man walked away.

"Who's Mimi?"

"No one, Ita-san...absolutely no one."

-yay for inside jokes about RENT!-

"Can we get back to the subject! We're all hungry!" everyone said, all at the same time too. Weird...

"So?" Azuki tilted her head to the side like 'I don't give a -bleep-'.

"Can we raid your fridge?"

"And drink all your liquor?" Yuuko-san asked

"No!"

"Then what are we gonna do?"

Itachi poked Azuki, who was now standing on a laundry basket so she could see over everyone. "I have an idea. Lets all go to Red Lobster."

"YEAH!"

-insert really confused Chi look here-

* * *

_...Chiiiiiii...?_

_

* * *

_

Okay, I'm sure a lot of people are confused. Very confused. Let me try to clear up a few things:

1. Tama-chan is the flying hot springs turtle from the series 'Love Hina'. Naru is the girl Keitaro likes; she has perpetual PMS. Mitsune aka Kitsune is the prank-loving alchoholic girl.

2. Kagome is the schoolgirl-esque main character from InuYasha

3. Yuuko is the weird yet cool lady from xxxHolic; she loves to drink. Watanuki is the main character, who resembles a stick. Mokona coming in later chapters!

4. The 'red-haired super hacker' is Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the 4th from Cowboy Bebop; that crazy girl with the goggles that hangs out with Ein-doggy.

5. 'Onegai' means 'Please' in Japanese; but I think it sound a little...seductive..so I used it in that way...hehehe...

6. "_Maybe if I said 'Chii' and threw natto on my face.." _that is something that Chi from the manga/anime 'Chobits' did in the first episode; you'll only understand the full extent of this joke if you've watched/read Chobits. Oh, and Chi is the persocom that the whole story is centered around.

7. The 'woman with light-pink hair and a guitar' is Haruko Haruhara from FLCL. Randomness...

8. Tsunade is theGodaime Hokage lady who loves to gamble and drinkfrom Naruto.Kisame and Zetsu are members of the organization 'Akatsuki'. Zetsu looks like a black and white venus flytrap manand Kisame looks like a sharkman.Deidara is the girl/boy/it with long blonde hair tied on-top of her/his head and bangs covering a scope-eye. Says '-, un.' after everything. Gender is not completely known, but I think its a boy. Maybe.Tayuya is the foul-mouthed female member of the Sound Five; Orochimaru's gang of peoples. Orochimaru is that creepy-ass snake guy.

9. The housewife with dreadlocks and a bad case of PMS is Izumi Curtis from Fullmetal Alchemist.Envy is the crossdressing palm tree homonculus from Fullmetal Alchemist. Yesh, he ish awesome. The guy in the red trench coat with blonde hair is YAY EDWARD ELRIC! Gluttony is the fatman homunculus who eats everything.

10. Snakeman is Ayame Sohma from Fruits Basket; he turns into a snake when hugged by a member of the opposite gender.

11. Gantz is a bloody gorey severed head loving show. I love it.

12. Gundams are...well...Gundams!

13. Largo is the l33t h4x0rm4st3r from the webcomic Megatokyo.

14. I love the 1st opening song from .hack.

15.Scrappy-Doo is the little runt from Scooby Doo cartoons; I don't really like him very much...

16. Alucard, Seras Victoria/Fishtoria and Integra are all from Hellsing, which is in my opinion, the best gothic-horror-vampire anime/manga EVER.

17.Okonomiyai is like Japanese-style pizza but not like American pizza.. It ish yummy.

18. Black Cat is another awesome anime/manga. Train is the main character; he lub food.

19. RENT is the best musical/movie thing ever. Mimi is one of the characters. The whole 'CanI be Mimi!' thing is an inside joke between my friends and I.

20. I love Red Lobster.

* * *

Ok, got it? Sorry if it was confuzzling...I was bored and I had a clarinet, some tofu-pepperonis and a computer so I wrote and yay I'm random. Uhh...hope you liked it! Reviews! 


	2. Randomness at Red Lobster

Red Lobster is my favourite seafood restuarant. Ever.

This chapter took a little longer to write, cuz I had to go somewhere and forgot to bring my laptop. But its finally done and I'll try to make chapter 3 asap.

**I do not own any of the anime/manga/other mentioned herein. I only owm my self-created characters (Azuki).**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

As the crowd of animes filed into Red Lobster it was made apparent that there were NOT enough seats for everyone. So, Azuki, being the resourceful girl that she was, decided to rent out the entire restuarant for her 'Party of 3 or More'. Waiters and chefs were baffled as she handed the owner a WHOAHOLYSHITTHATSALOTTAMONEY check for renting the place out.

"Why is it called 'Red Lobster', un? Why not 'Blue Lobster', or 'Disco-Coloured Lobster'?" asked a very annoying man who looked like a girl or something.

"I.Don't.Know.", a very annoyed Sasori ground his teeth as the blonde rattled on and on...

"Okay everyone, find a seat and plant your butts in it so we can order!", ordered a very hungry Azuki as she clung onto Itachi's arm as if to say 'I am not gonna lose you in this sea of people. They'll step on me'. He was wearing his Akatsuki cloak now, cuz everyone knows that it is friggin FREEZING in Red Lobster.

"Yes, preferably before Gluttony eats the table, if you don't mind." Envy said; Gluttony was chewing on the palm tree's arm.

"Why is Gluttony here again?"

"Cuz."

"Okay." Azuki sat down in a chair and watched everyone scramble to get good seats. As Zetsu tried to sit down on the seat next to her she shooed him away. "Nope, sorry Zetsu-san, but this seat is saved for Itachi-san." The flytrap looked sad and walked away to a seat next to who else but everyone's favourite Tobi!

"Thank you, Azuki...", Itachi said as he sat down next to her. She blushed slightly at his presence. _"Geez...how'd I end up with such a hottie, huh?" _she thought. She looked over at Itachi as he picked up a menu. "Something wrong?" he asked. "You seem like you're in a trance or something." Azuki quickly snapped her head away and stuttered, "Oh...sorry..I..I was-" Itachi cut her words off by quickly pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. Many _'Oooh'_s were heard from the surrounding people at the table. Azuki picked up a salt shaker and threw it at the nearest person that was saying 'Ooh', which happened to be OMG!Sephiroth. As soon as he passed out, a crown of Final Fantasy fangirls came and dragged him away to what was sure to be DOOM! Then she continued to kiss Itachi until she was forced to shoot Vash cuz he wouldn't stop saying 'oooh'. "FRIGGIN TERMITE!" at these words a young blonde man jumped on the table and cursed at everyone while screaming "WHO DID YOU SAY IS SO SMALL THAT HE COULDN'T BE SEEN WITHOUT A MAGNIFYING GLASS!"

* * *

"Uh, tell me...why am I at a _fish_ restuarant, again?" Kisame said as he looked over the menu_. "Brolied fish...fried fish...lobster...SHARK! OMG MOM!" _He leapt out of his seat and dived into the lobster tank. "IM COMIN, MOMMY!"

"That guy is weird."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

* * *

Then the waiter came with his usual, "Are you ready to order?" speech, at which everyone started talking at once. After he finally got their orders down, everyone threw their menus at him cuz he looked like...poo? Sora just kept talking and saying 'I like fish. I like fish. I like fish.' over and over and over until Kingdom Hearts cosplayers came and tried to abduct him. But they did not succeed cuz at the last minute Sora hid himself in Edward's suitcase. Then for some reason Seras shot Sloth out of the Harkonnen and thats when a lot of madness started happening.

"Fwa dtjper ojhh rtkjaol", said Roy Mustang through a mouthful of biscuits.

"That was completely incomprehensible...", replied a young woman who was, as usual, reading a book. her reading was interrupted as a rather rude man piped up, "Hey, sweetie, you always reading a book? How'd you like to see some REAL action-" his words were cut off as a short boy with brown hair hit him on the head with a rather tall red staff-thingy. "Geez Gojyo, quite the ladies man tonight, aren't we?" said a rather annoyed man with short blonde hair and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Um..excuse me sirs, but this restuarant is non-smoking so.." a nearby waiter said timidly for fear of...a lot of stuff. Gojyo, Havoc, Asuma, and other smoking peoples gave a halfhearted "Awww..." as they put out their cancer sticks in a glass of water. To everyone's surprise, the glass of water spoke, saying, "Hey, leave me alone! I'm chillin!". Yes, the water homonculus was in a glass at Red Lobster. Its a wonder someone didn't drink her by accident...which is exactly what Jubei proceeded to do, ending with a big, "Ahhh...refreshing."

* * *

Meanwhile, a rather foul-mouthed squirrel was helping Tayuya throw biscottis at the waiters while muttering obscenities and giving them rude hand guestures.

* * *

"One...two...67...119..." Azuki counted as she balanced fruit loops on her nose. Itachi merely watched in amazement while thinking, _"Wow...I think she's got like 130 on there now..." _Yes, Itachi was feeling a little out-of-character right now. And then a giant widescreen TV fell onto Tobi along with another machine-thing. It was...

"OMFG DDR!" numerous people screamed as the clambered towards the screen. Azuki grabbed Itachi and they jumped on the dance mat. "Um, Azuki, I don't know how to play this..." Itachi said as Azuki searched for another quarter. _"Quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter..." _she muttered. "Aha! Ok here we go!". She put the quarter in the machine and pressed the button for 'Hard' as in Really Fast. Fast techno music started playing and as the symbols appeared on sceen she ponded away at the mat with her feet. Itachi merely stood there perplexed as the multicoloured arrows flashed on screen_. "What the..." _When the song finally ended he looked over at an out-of-breath Azuki and said, "What the hell was that?" But before she could answer they were both dragged away by people waiting in line to play DDR.

So for the rest of the night the restuarant was filled with so much techno that it was beginning to look like a rave. "It'd be awesome if we had some bubbles or foam or something...", said Akiha, thinking out loud. Everyone stared. "What?" She said. "DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" She threw plates at everyone so they'd go away and then began humming the tune to a DDR song.

* * *

After about an hour of DDR the food started coming, cuz hey, it takes a long time to cook 300 lobsters, right? Then, as Tasumi shoved another forkful of shrimp alfredo into his mouth like the starving hobo that he was, Roy just couldn't help but poke some fun at everyone's favourite vertically challenged pipsqueak.

"Hey Ed, did you see the size of the shrimp here? They're bigger than you! And that's saying a lot, cuz they're extra-small baby shrimp!", the 'I-Look-Chinese-But-I'm-Not' colonel teased the young blonde sitting near him. He got exactly the reaction he had wanted when Ed stood up on the table and proclaimed his 'I Am Not Short' speech loud enough for anyone in a 3-mile radius to hear. A slightly-annoyed Rukia merely sipped at her black-cherry soda as she watched Ed dance on the table. He did look like he was dancing, after all.

* * *

"WAITER! There's a...a...BONE in my fish sandwich...", grimaced a young, bare-chested man with white hair and little red dots above his eyes as he poked a piece of fried Kisame...erm...I mean fish... _"For the love of...why is Kimimaro, of all people, complaining about a bone in his fish?"_ thought the redheaded, hot-tempered young girl as she threw more biscottis at a waiter that slighlty resembled Michael Jackson.

Then, in a last-ditch attempt to end this chapter early, a mischevious blonde man...woman...thing...set a 'cute widdle clay birdie' on the seat beside Sakaki-san and waited until it started rumbling before running out of the restuarant while screaming 'ART IS A BANG, UN!'. Then Red Lobster blew up, and Azuki tried to tack down Deidara to kill him, but Deidara his inside a giant cookie. Peanut Butter cookie.

* * *

"Oh! Question! Can we have a pool party?", Said the cookie-clad blonde as his hands licked peanut butter off his face.

"Deidara, I should kill you...but yes. That sounds great!", she said reluctantly. _"Plus it a perfect chance to make Itachi wear the swim trunks with little akatsuki clouds on them...hehe..." _she thought.

"CAN I BAKE COOKIES!" someone screamed upon hearing the news.

"BETTER YET, CAN YOU BAKE COOKIES AND WE'LL EAT THEM ALL!" someone else piped up.

"NO, NOW SHUT-UP ABOUT THE COOKIES SO I CAN END THIS CHAPTER PROPERLY-"

-BUUUUUUUURP-

Everyone stared at Chiyo-chan as she covered her mouth. "What? Umm..excuse me..." she said bashfully.

Deidara merely continued munching on the giant cookie.

* * *

Okay, as usual, helpful notes:

1. Sasori, for those who don't know, is another Akatsuki. He's a puppet man! Tayuya is the foul-mouthed girl in the Sound Five, and Kimimaro is that hot guy with white hair that can use his own _bones_ as weapons. Tobi is -coughOBITO cough-the dude with the spiraly mask that wants to join Akatsuki. 'Tobi is a good boy.' Kisame is a shark in a fish restuarant. Asuma is the dude from Konoha (non-akatsuki) that was on the same team as Kakashi; he smokes a lot. (I'm not sure if his name is Asuma, but I _think _it is.)

2. Sephiroth is the hot guy with long grey(?) hair from Final Fantasy Advent Children (movie). And as another game reference, Sora is the main character from the Kingdom Hearts games. Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts are both video games.

3. Vash, aka Vash the Stampede, is the main character of Trigun. He wears a red trench coat, and is basically the polar opposite of Alucard; despite them both using big guns.

4. Yes Ed and Roy are in here. Roy is the friggin rude wannabe-chinese Colonel Flamestang. Oh, and Havoc is that guy who always seems to be smoking a cigarette. You may remember him from the 'Flame vs Fullmetal' episode. Sloth is the homunculus that can turn into water; she looks like Ed and Al's mom. -hides spoilers-

5. Harkonnen is Seras Victoria's huge rocket-launcher-esque gun from Hellsing.

6. The woman reading the book is Yomiko Readman, the bibliophile from Read or Die.

7. The lecherous man is Sha Gojyo from theSaiyuki series'. The brown-haired boy is Goku, and the blonde guy is...yup, Genjo Sanzo!

8. Jubei is from Ninja Scroll. Teh awesomeness.

9. The 'foul-mouthed squirrel' is Foamy the Squirrel from the famous Foamy online cartoons. Website is illwillpress.

10. DDR, or 'Dance Dance Revolution' is a dancing game usually found in many arcades. The ultimate version has a great selection of techno-Japanese songs. I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.

11. Akiha is refering to Akiha Tohma from Shingetsutan Tsukihime; she's usually calm and cold but I made her a rave-loving nightmare. Teh ebil...

12. Tasumi is the guyfrom Speedgrapher, which is an amazing show but not many people I know have heard of it. Google it you idiots! I command you!

13. Rukia is refering to Rukia from Bleach; the former-soul reaper who transferred her powers to the main character Ichigo. Bleach is awesome; if you haven't seen it I suggest you do. Now.

14. I don't like Michael Jackson. Sorry to any Jacko-the-Wacko fans out there.

15. Sakaki-san and Chiyo-chan are two of the main characters from Azumanga Daioh. Chiyo ish a prodigy and Sakaki loves kittys.

* * *

Ok, hope that helped. I hope everyone liked this chapter! I'll try to write more soon, I promise! Gomenasai to all who read my stories! Thanks!

**SIEG BALL! ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE TENNIS BALL!**

**oOoOoOo**


	3. Beach Fun

Okay, I'm sorry if this chapter has a little too much ItaxOC in it, but I just couldn't help myself! Anyways, hope you like this chapter!

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONED HEREIN! I DO NOT OWN REESE'S PUFFS CEREAL! I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**oOoOoOo

* * *

**

"Well, are we gonna do this or what?" Itachi said, licking mashed potatoes off his fingers.

"Yeah, hang on, everyone else is still getting ready for the beach.", Azuki said, wearing a two-piece white bikini with strawberries on it. She shoved stuff into a duffel bag full of food and random beach stuff. "Fried chicken...watermelon...weasel...wait...weasel!" She drew her hand back out of the bag as a sharp pain stabbed into her hand. Three brown-and-white weasels were latched onto her fingers. "ARGH DAMN WEASELS GET OFFA MY FINGER!" she screamed, swinging her hand around trying to sling the rodents off.

Itachi looked at her like 'What kind of 'weasel' are you talking about?' and then asked, dodging an airborne weasel, " wait...Beach? I thought we were having a pool party?" He ducked as another weasel flew past his head.

"Yeah, we were, but there are too many people to fit into our pool, or any other pool for that matter. Speaking of which, why aren't you dressed for the beach?" she asked as she looked over the body of the akatsuki-clothed young man.

"Uchiha Itachi does not swim." He said with a 'So THERE!' attitude. Big mistake; he turned around to find Azuki staring at him with big puppy eyes. "B..but Itachi..its not a beach party if you don't swim! And besides...I..", she blushed. "I'd really like to see you in your swim trunks..."

FISH

-blank stare-

Anyways...

Itachi sighed as he licked the last of the potatoes off his hands. "Fine...I'll be right back..." He said, walking towards his room. He swung open the door and gazed upon its...messiness. Yes, the prodigial Uchiha was actually a huge pig when it came to keeping order in his room. He sifted through the clothes in the wardrobe and finally settled on a pair of black swim trunks. With little red clouds on them. Squee! Akatsuki swim trunks! _"I think these are Azuki's favourite...", _he muttered to himself as he unbuttoned his long coat.

* * *

-meanwhile-

* * *

More people began to loiter around the hallway, wondering how exactly they were all gonna get to the beach.

"HIIII EVERYONE!", a hyper blond person wearing a frilly yellow bathing suit with shorts came bounding down the hall. "MOMIJII-KUN!" everyone glomped Momiji in all his frilly glory_. "Crossdressers get all the girls...", _Gojyo thought as he began to seriously consider putting on a dress.

"Thats just wrong...", muttered a carrot-topped boy with a pissed-off expression on his face. "A boy wearing a girls bathing suit...and its _frilly_..."

"So? Whats wrong with crossdressing?", Deidara asked, wearing a black-and-red two piece bikini with a multicoloured skirt.

"OMFG WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!", screamed Zetsu and Kisame. Sasori merely shook his head and sighed, _"Why did I get stuck working with the crazy one?"_

Itachi came walking down the hall clad in only his swim trunks. His long hair was hung over his shoulder in a loose ponytail as he reached up to brush away a stray hair from his face. Yes, fangirls everywhere were probably drowning in their own drool right now. "Hey Azuki-chan.", He said. Grinning mischeviously, he wrapped his arms around her and lightly nibbled at her earlobe. She looked around at the surrounding company, including a bewildered Deidara, and blushed. "I...Itachi...", she stuttered as a shorter boy with black hair walked up and began talking pictures. "I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" The obviously crazy boy screamed. Itachi ignored him and picked Azuki up in his arms like he was carrying an angel. "So", he kissed her lovingly while ignoring the annoying crazy kid with the camera, "..are we ready to go to the beach now?"

"Uhh...yup! I already put the bag-o-food in the car, now we should all get going!"

"Umm...yeah, about that...", muttered a young boy with shortish white hair and a scar over his eye. "How are we all gonna fit in one car?"

..."Uhh...you aren't!" Azuki hopped down and piled everyone into a medeival-style catapult and, cackling manically, used the scythe from Kirikiri Mai and sliced the cord holding the catapult in place. As everyone went flying, she, Itachi and Deidara watched in awe.

"I thought I was the only one who could fly, un..."

Itachi regained his composure and stared at Deidara with a WTF look on his face. "Deidara...why are you wearing a bikini?" He asked, noticing the Iwa-nin's strange taste in clothing.

"I'm expressing my artistic freedom, un."

* * *

-at the beach-

* * *

Everyone began recovering from being catapulted, and as a few people struggled to free thenselves from the sand, a boy with short red hair and panda eyes laughed, "Haha...suckers, I can control sand so nyah!" He said, floating away on a sand-carpet.

"Heeeeeey everyone!" Azuki piped as she walked towards the group. Deidara quickly ran down to the water screaming, "WHEEEEE!" with his arms open like an airplane. He sat down with Momijii and started building a sand castle.

As everyone was waving, the waves splooshed down and knocked the orange-haired guy into the ocean. He stood up, soaking wet, and cursed at the ocean.

* * *

"Tell me why I'm at the beach again?", asked a pissed-off looking man with black hair sitting under an umbrella next to a girl in a modified police squad uniform. "I..I don't know, sir. Its baffling.", she stuttered.

* * *

Azuki dashed into the clear blue-green water as a emotionless Itachi stood onshore. _"I gotta watch out for them...for...the **fangirls** ..." _He thought, looking from side to side. He tried to focus on making himself inconspicuous by folding his arms across his chest, but as he looked out into the water at the smiling young girl, he could't help but grin. "Well...I guess since I'm here, I might as well enjoy myself." He said as he walked into the water. He shivered at the sudden cool moisture touching his skin, "Its been a while since I went swimming...I guess it takes some getting used to." Suddenly he felt soft hands press down on his shoulders and in a quick motion he was pushed underwater. He abruptly came back to the surface and stared into the eyes of his attacker. "Gotcha, Ita-san!" Azuki laughed. Itachi sunk into the water leaving only his eyes visible and quickly grabbed her feet and pulled her under. She bobbed back up and looked at Itachi. 'Okay, you win." She said, coughing seawater and random sea foliage out of her mouth. She blushed as she looked at Itachi, his long hair floating all around his his submerged body. Then she started splashing him and other random members of the group_. "Hehe..." _Itachi thought_, "I saw you blush, Azuki-chan.."

* * *

_

meanwhile, in a deeper part of the beach, something was lurking beneath the waters...

* * *

"Dun dun dun dun...", said the sharkman, humming the music from 'Jaws'. "Now THIS is what I call a party!" He thought as he swam freely throughout the water. He watched silently underwater as one of his fellow akatsuki pulled his girlfriend close and kissed her briefly before they got splashed by another nearby person. _"Geez Itachi, go make out with your girlfriend in another ocean...I'm tryin' to swim in this one!"_

Then Kisame got ate by a shark. Ironic, don'tcha think? He later realized it was his great aunt Mirdrid, who had never liked him anyways. "Damn the crazy relatives popping up everywhere...here, and earlier at Red Lobster!" he thought, remembering his shocking realization that _someone_ had ordered fried shark steaks the other night. _Someone_ with a spiral-y mask and a very polite method of speech. Zetsu had just ate the waiters.

* * *

After about an hour, Azuki, Itachi and Deidara all headed towards the food bag and dumped it onto a blanket.

"Lets see what you got...a pineapple...cheetohs...poptarts...weasels...", mumbled the crossdressing blonde as he rummaged through the stuff.

Those weasels. They had come back for more. But fo now they simply ran off to have a little weasel-party of their own with mini-water toys and everything.

"...aha! The perfect treat for a day at the beach, its time to SMASH THE WATERMELON!" Deidara cackled as he held the watermelon over his head. "Now, where's a bat...find a bat...bat bat bat bat bat bat..."

"Hey Itachi, I got a treat for you..." Azuki said slyly as she took out a small wooden bento box. She opened it revealingthree sticks of multicoloured dango, "Your favourite food!" His eyes lit up as she handed him a stick of the sweet dumplings. He bit off the red dumpling on top, "Fank jhoo...so mucct..." he said through a mouthful of dango. Azuki smiled and took a bite off of his stick of dango_. "She's great..."_ Itachi thought as he chewed on his snack.

Meanwhile, a hoarde of other people had come by and abducted all the food except that which belonged to the weasels.

And Shigure sat down to eat a bowl of Reeses Puffs cereal. Its like Reeses, for breakfast!

Tama-chan skimmed through the water like...well, like a flying turtle. Naru drowned Keitaro for the 300th time. Tsunade, Yukari, Mitsune, Yuuko, and a buncha other people got out a case of sakè and got drunk off their asses.

"Y'know waaat?", slurred a nearly incomprehensable Tsunade, "Joo guys are mah besssssstest frendsss evar! Now, who wants more?" she poured an imaginary bottle of sakè into Yukari's cup.

"Yah. Lets sing the Beer Song!"

-after a few seconds-

"I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW MUCH I HAVE HAD! I DRANK A 12-PACK, WITH MY DAD!" they all burst out laughing, then continued to drink, until they started passing out one by one.

* * *

After a few more hours everyone except the drunken idiots started to pack up their crap so they could leave. And unfortunatley, since Azuki had left the catapult at home, they all had to walk the entire way home. With the weasels.

"Hey, you know those weird shounen-ai pairings on fanfiction websites, un?", asked Deidara, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah. And before you ask, no, I will not make out with you.", Kisame said boredly.

"Eeew! DeixKisa pairings are weiiiird...", Deidara stuck out his tongue. "No, I was thinking...what if they had Tobi and Zetsu make out?"

"OMFG TOBIxZETSU!", some fangirls screamed as they ran home to type up their naughty fictions.

Zetsu sighed at the stupidity of Deidara. "You're forgetting a have a venus flytrap for a head."

"So you DO like Tobi?"

"NO!"

Hehehe...

* * *

Notes:

1.Itachi means weasel, thus explaining the whole 'what weasel are you talking about' confusion. Ita-san also loves multicoloured dango, or sweet dumplings on a stick. The crazy kid with camera is Itachi's little brother Sasuke, whom I find extremely annoying. But I will try to add more Sasuke in next chapter. OOC Sasuke... and also, I am a huge Tobi fan, and a huge Zetsu fan, but I am not a fan of TobixZetsu. It just sounds funny.The boy with short red hair and panda eyes is Sabaku no Gaara, who is the cutest little eyebrowless guy you'll ever see! Tsunade is the 5th hokage.

2. I love Momijii-kun, from Fruits Basket! He's the Rabbit, and he often dresses like a girl, so i put him in a girls bathing suit. I put Deidara in one too cuz I once drew a picture of Deidara as a girl and he/she was wearing a bikini like I described. The foul-tempered carrot top is Kyou, the cat, also from Furuba. Shigure (the one eating cereal) is the dog.

3. The 'young boy with shortish white hair and a scar over his eye' is Allen Walker from D-Grey Man, which is SO COOL! I can't believe they don't have a D-Grey Man section on here yet!

4. Kirikiri Mai is Temari's summoning-thing from Naruto. She summoned a giant weasel that has a huge scythe.

5. The two people under the unbrella are Alucard Hellsing and Seras Victoria from hellsing. They're vampires, so they can't go out in the sun. Makes no sense that they would be at a beach, but heh, thats the power of fanfiction for ya!

6. "SMASH THE WATERMELON!" Yes, this is an actual tradition in Japan. We (mostly teenagers from what I've seen) take a watermelon and a baseball bat/stick to the beach and crack the watermelon open to eat it. But watermelons are pretty expensive so I don't do it often.

7. Dango is sweet dumplings usually served on a bamboo stick. From what I've seen in the series and on websites, Itachi likes multicoloured dango.

8. Tama, Naru, Keitaro, and Mitsune are are characters from Love Hina. Tama is the flying turtle.

9. Yukari is the Language teacher from Azumanga Daioh. She's crazy.

10. Yuuko is the weird/cool/drunk lady from xxxHolic.

11. The beer song is this hilarious song I found on YouTube. Its about beer.

12. For those that don't know, shounen ai is like yaoi. If you don't know what that is, then you're probably better off not knowing.

* * *

Okay, thats all for shapter 3! Crossdressers! Yaaaaaaaaarrrrrr! I'll write more soon! Review!

**oOoOoOo**


	4. DeidaraKart DS

Ok! Chapter four is up-and-running! I thought up the idea for this chapter at 2am this morning. I was almost asleep, when the idea of Deidara playing a Nintendo DS popped into my head. I opened up my laptop and began writing, and then I finished it this morning. Hope you like it!

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONED HEREIN. I DO NOT OWN THERIGHTS TO NINTENDO DS OR MARIOKART DS. I DO NOT OWN STEPHEN KING OR THE RIGHTS TO ANY OF HIS BOOKS.**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

"Hrmmmmm..." Deidara mashed the buttons of his Nintendo DS furiously as Princess Peach drove off yet another cliff. "OK FINE! I GIVE UP! THIS IS STUPID!" he said, slamming the machine down.

"Please don't throw that around, Deidara.", Azuki said as she poked something that was in the oven. She withdrew her finger from the hot molten liquid and screamed "OUCH! YOU SONOFA-", She threw a sofa at the half-baked lemon bars.

* * *

Meanwhile, Deidara was sitting on a couch playing Mario Kart for DS. And he was losing. Badly. "Grrrr..." He gritted his teeth, temper rising. "Goddammit, that stupid Yoshi pushed me off a cliff again!", A few seconds later a big '8th Place' sign flashed a cross the screen. He csmacked the DS shut and took a few deep breaths as he plotted his revenge. _"I could burn it..." _He thought. _"Or maybe drop my specialty 'C3' on it..." _Murderous intent showing, he passed a glob of clay back and forth between his hands_. "Nahh... not creative enough...I have to find some way to destroy this thing, and it has to reflect my artistic ingenuity."_ And so the challenge was set.

* * *

-in another part of the house-

* * *

"AAARRGGGHHHHH! KIMBLEY, STOP BLOWING UP THE WALLS! AZUKI AND ITACHI ARE GONNA KILL US!"

"Geez, you don't have to yell, Dorochet. I can hear you just fine." Kimbley grinned as a wicked look passed across his face.

* * *

-somewhere else-

* * *

The aroma of grilled meat was filling the east hallway as a crazy-looking woman poked something on a grill. "Mmmm...grilled Menchi steaks..." She said, her mouth watering as she continued to poke the thing on the grill. It was yellow and fuzzy. And it whimpered. "hehehehe...MENCHI STEAKS ARE ON THE HOUSE TONIGHT 'CUZ EXCEL'S COOKIN!" She laughed manically, and when she briefly looked away, the yellow fuzzy hopped off the grill and ran down the hall. "NOOOOOOOO!" Excel moaned as her meal ran down the hall out of sight.

* * *

"So...Sasuke...how's your life?", asked Ninamori, trying to strike up a conversation_. "Screw Naota, this guy is HOT!"_ She thought.

"...boring." Sasuke replied, glancing over at his brother, who was doing something in the kitchen.

"Ok...um...how's your family?" she said nervously

"Dead."

"D..dead? They're..dead? I'm sorry to hear that..."

"Hmph. And its all because of that guy over there!" Sasuke said furiously, pointing at Itachi.

"Him? But he's...he's made of jelly.." She said bewildered as she looked at Jelly Jiggler.

"NOT HIM!" Sasuke turned her head towards his older brother. "HIM! THAT ASSHOLE WITH THE BLACK COAT!"

"The one that's wearing a frilly apron?"

Sasuke looked at Itachi, who was wearing a yellow apron with ruffles on it. "...Why ARE you wearing that?"

"I'm cooking, and I don't want to get any cake batter on my perfect body..." Itachi said with a 'So THERE' attitude. Sasuke merely walked away, shaking his head and muttering _"There is no way that I'm related to him..." _Itachi merely turned his head away and began humming the 'I'm Too Sexy' song. Suddenly a pair of small, warm arms wrapped around him. "Mmm...Itachi.." came the familiar voice of the crazy young blonde he had come to love. He dipped his finger in the batter and stuck it in her mouth. "Mmmm...yum." Azuki said, as Itachi came closer to her face. Their lips interlocked, with Itachi mumbling "Mmm...delicious." He was very thankful that his 'Foolish Little Brother' had shut the kitchen door as he left.

* * *

In the living room,Deidara was sitting on a couch staring intently at the silver device in front of him as he tried to figure out an artistic way of destryoying his Nintendo DS, was re-painting his toenails with the akatsuki-shade purple.

About an hour later, Deidara was still staring at the DS, Itachi was back cooking his muffins, Azuki was having a rather nice conversation with a rice crispies treat, while Kimimaro and Kabuto watched._ "There is definately something wrong with that girl..." _they both thought. Then she abruptly got up as Gaara walked in the door, put a raccoon on her head, and began running around madly screaming "SHUKAKU IS EATING MY FACE! AAAAAHHH!" then she fed the raccoon a cookie and put it on Gaara's head. Gaara already had a family of baby raccoons on his head, and about 20 more following him around. The fuzzy little shits seemed to be attracted to him for some reason...

And then, a rather drunk looking Fugaku Uchiha came stumbling in the door with a very drunkSaki Kasukabe, who was wearing a rather large sombrero. He looked over at Sasuke and Itachi,"Heyyy...mah sons! Long time no see!"

Sasuke and Itachi both looked at him with 'WTF!' looks on their faces. "Umm...aren't you dead?"

"No I'm not." Fugaku said

"Uh, yes you are. I killed you, remember?" Itachi said, pointing out the obvious.

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Sasuke screamed, partially out of confusion, partially because he had gas. "DEAD PEOPLE DON'T JUST GET UP AND WALK AROUND!"

"They do when they have to pee." Fugaku said matter-of-factly. Then he poofed away. Kasukabe-san just kept laughing uncontrollably for no reason, while her sombrero slipped off.

"Nyuu?" Lucy asked as she watched the scene unfold. "Whats going on, nyuu?"

"Hey! I saw that in a fanfiction!"

* * *

-Note that the whole 'Lucy Saying Nyuu' thing is not mine, it was something I read in a fanfic.-

* * *

Deidara sighed as he thought to himself. "I can't think of anything to do with this blasted device!" he shook the DS, apparently trying to give it shaken baby syndrome or something.

Then, almost like an answer to his woes, a giant stick of pocky came up, snapped the DS in half, and ate half of it. He gave the other half to Totoro, who in turn, ate it.

"Who wants yum-yums? I made snaaaaacks!" Itachi sang as he brought out a steaming plate full of muffins.

Everyone rushed over to eat the muffins, but Stephen King came by and stole them all. Yesh, because writing novels takes energy. And carbs.

* * *

Yay! Done!

Notes:

1. In case you don't know, the Nintendo DS is like a 2-screen style version of the Gameboy SP. The game Dei Dei is playing is MarioKart DS, which I find extremely addictive once you start playing. I always play as Toad.

2. Kimbley and Dorochet are both from Fullmetal Alchemist. Kimbley is the crazy ex-state alchemist who blows things up, and Dorochet is the half-dog chimera guy. They both worked for Greed in the Devils Nest for a while.

3. Menchi and Excel are from Excel Saga. The show is too crazy to explain, so i suggest you google it or something. Excel is crazy, and Menchi is a dog. Menchi is also Excels emergency food supply, so she always trys to cook him.

4. Ninamori Eri is from FLCL aka Furi Kuri. She made her first major appearance in episode 3. FLCL is the most random, crazy anime ever. I love it, and it will always hold a special place in my heart, cuz it was my first 'real' anime.

5. Yes, I did talk to a rice krispies treat once. It was 3 in the morning, I was hungry, but I decided to strike up a conversation with my food.

6. Shukaku is the name of the biju that is sealed in Gaara. Shukaku is a raccon demon. I love raccoons.

7. Fugaku Uchiha is Sasuke and Itachi's father. He's dead, along with the rest of the clan.

8. Saki Kasukabe is the name of the 'non-otaku with an otaku boyfriend' from the anime/manga Genshiken.

9. Lucy is from Elfen Lied. The whole 'Lucy is saying Nyuu' think is from another fanfiction, but I don't know where it is. I give full credit for this to the original writer of the 'Nyuu' fiction. I just wanted to add it cuz its funny and Elfen Lied rocks.

10. Pocky is a japanese snack food, its much like a biscuit stick dipped in chocolate.

11. Totoro is the fluffy cat-thing from My Neighbour Totoro.

12. 'Who wants yum-yums? I made snacks!' is a quote my friend Kayla once said after she heard it on a tv show.

13. Stephen King is my favourite writer. He writes many horror/mystery style books, including Everything's Eventual and Pet Sematary. My other favourite authors are Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickinson, and A.J. Cronin.

* * *

Ok, I'll try to write more soon. Next chapter: Who knows! REVIEW!

SIEG BALL!

**oOoOoOo**


	5. Kazekage Wall

Chapter 5!

Gaara goes insane, Anna throws people into walls, and OMFG! SHINO!

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONED HEREIN. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE FANFICTIONS/FANFICTION AUTHORS MENTIONED HEREIN, OTHER THAN MYSELF (Fullmidget Alchemist). I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN MY OWN CHARACTERS AND THIS REALLY COOL JAR OF NORWEIGIAN JAM!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

Azuki sat in the doorway painting the wall. Blue. Yes, she was painting the wall blue. Not all the walls, mind you, just that particular spot on the wall. A red-haired boy stood behind her, silently watching and thinking 'What is _WRONG_ with her!'

* * *

Meanwhile, Tsunade was passed out beside the couch, drunk, surrounded by half-empty saké bottles. As everyone's favourite SEPHIROTH! walked by, she rolled onto her side and snored rather loudly. He shook his head like, 'WTF?' and walked away. Then a black-haired figure clad in green silently creeped into the room. _"Hmmm...last time I drank Godaime-san's saké I was able to beat up that Kimimaro-person, so maybe this time...I can beat that TERRIFYING young lady with the weird red hat-thingy..."_ he mumbled, thinking back to all the times Anna-sama had thrown him into a wall. He could hardly imagine how many times she had thrown the young Asakura into a wall. He silently picked up one of the half-empty bottles and took a gulp of it. His cheeks flushed a bright red as the alchohol took effect and he began fumbling around the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gaara was drinking soop (yes, soop, not soup. cuz I said so). and he forgot to put ice in it so he started screaming 'OW! HOT! HOT!' and then he died. Azuki laughed and took a huge bite out of a cardboard box. "TASTES LIKE CHICKENS!" she screamed. Then Gaara came back to life cuz he can't die cuz if he does Shukaku won't give him cookies. Gaara loves cookies. He gasped for breath. "OMFG was I dead?" he stuttered, still trying to catch his breath. "STUPID SOOP!" he said, kicking the soup. Then everyone screamed in his ear "MEANIE HEAD!" he ran away muttering something along the lines of 'The moles! They're after me! They'll steal my eyebrows and eat my cookies! Wait...I don't have eyebrows! NEITHER DOES MY DAD!' He came to an abrupt stop and screamed "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE IN MY FAMILY HAVE EYEBROWS!"

"Um...Gaara-sama, I have eyebrows.." Temari said, pointing at her own eyebrows. "And your mom had eyebrows...and Yashamaru...and.."

"OKAY! I GET IT! BUT WHY'D ALL THE RACCOONS FROM LAST CHAPTER RUN AWAY!"

"Ummm...steroids?"

"WAHAHAHAHAA! WIGGY WIGGY WIGGY!" Gaara said, running around in circles. Temari looked at her younger brother and shook her head, muttering, "Why? Why'd he have to be related to ME?"

* * *

YASHAMARU IS A DANCING PIGGY!

* * *

In another part of the house, large holes were found in the walls. The smell of smell was filling the hall as Azuki moved to another wall and painted it purple. InuYasha poked the walls repeatedly and even ate a little of the paint. "It tastes like bacon bits." He proclaimed rather loudly before cackling manically. Then he poofed away and began kicking Shippo like a soccer ball. Hehe.

And, adding the the holes in the walls, Anna Kyoyama was at this moment proceeding to hurl Yoh into another wall, leaving a fair-sized hole. The young Asakura woke up hours later, mumbling 'Whassamatterhere?' as he rubbed the bump on his head. "I'm surprised he doesn't have a concussion, what with Anna-san throwing him around all the time. She's gonna be one of those abusive wifes you see on COPS, I swear it." Itachi said as he walked past the crushed wall and Yoh. He nearly tripped over a rather short young man who was talking to Yoh. "OMFG DWARFS ARE ATTACKING!" Itachi screamed. Then Ed came barreling down the hall screaming "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MOUSY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!" Manta yelled 'Eeep!' as he pushed himself and Yoh out of the way. Itachi poofed away, leaving a fuming Ed to attack random bugs crawling on the wall.

"DIE YOU SONOFABUG!" Ed smushed a beetle. Poor beetle! Then Shino-sama came and rescued all the little buggies and bonked Ed on the head with a rubber chicken.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"...Leave the bugs alone." Shino said coolly as he walked away. YAY SHINO! HOT BUG GUY!

* * *

Azuki stared at the freshly painted wall. "So...hows life?" she said to the wall.

Itachi glanced at her. "Are you o-kay?" he asked.

"Durgs durgs durgs durgs durgs...why do walls talk incessantly and eat limes?" she asked him. Itachi decided this was NOT the time to try talking to her, and so he went back to his safe-haven (the kitchen) and began making brownies! No, not 'special' brownies, before anyone asks.

"Hey Itachi...where's Azuki?" asked Ichigo Kurosaki as he went to the cabinet and opened a bag of chips.

"Oh, she's having another one of her 'episodes'."

"What's she doing this time? Last time she tried to flush Ed down the toilet..."

"She's talking to a wall that she painted." Itachi sighed as he measured out the ingredients needed for an extra-large batch of brownies. Zetsu read over the latest issue of 'Seventeen' magazine and went 'SQUEE!' at the pictures of Ashlee Simpson at the Grammys. Itachi and Ichigo then proceeded to throw rather large bricks at him.

* * *

Outside the door, Azuki continued her conversation with the wall. "So I say to the guy, 'Whats the difference between a Jell-o cartoon, and a fish?' and he says '2 Corndogs for the price of one. Just call that number and mountain dew.' so I eat an ice lolly and he's all 'WTF GET OFFA MY PROPERTY!'. And he expects to make money!". The wall sat there, motionless, unable to comprehend the crazy girl's ramblings.

Then the face of Yondaime Kazekage poked out of the wall. Azuki screamed. "OMG GET OUT OF MY WALL YOU CRAZY PERSON!" she swatted at teh wall with a fly swatter. "GAARA, COME GET YOUR DAD OUT OF MY WALL!" The face sighed. Azuki noticed that it had no eyebrows. "EYEBROWLESS FREAK!" she screamed as she pelted the face in the wall with newspapers.

Gaara peeked down the hall, giggled, and then screamed "DADA! I'VE COME FOR MY GUMMI BEAR HUGS!" as he hugged the face in the wall. It screamed like a little girl before poofing out of existence. Haha Gaara made his daddy go bye-bye.

* * *

"This is fascinating." said a bewildered Anna as she, Mamimi, and Orihime sat on the floor watching a lava-lamp bubble. Orihime poked it, only to realize that it hurts when you poke a burning-hot glass jar of goo. Orihime can be such a flake sometimes.

* * *

"WHO IS THE FLAVOUR OF SHERRRR-BERT? NAAAA-CHO MAN! WHO MAKES THE SCHOOLGIRLS SWEEEE-TER? NAAAA-CHO MAN!" a drunk Jean Havoc came stumbling down the hall with a fruit basket, singing at the top of his lungs. He stopped for a second, placed the basket next to a pile of socks in the hallway, and then continued his singing-rambling-walking thing.

Ichigo stared at the man for a second, then went back to eating his chips. He went back to the kitchen, where he saw that Itachi was eating a submarine sandwich. He then decided to play a prank on the young Akatsuki.

"Hey Itachi?" Itachi looked at Ichigo while the strawberry spoke. "What's three inches long, has six legs, thirteen eyes, and goes 'crunch!' in a submarine sandwich?" as he was speaking he slipped a potato chip into Itachi's sandwich. Itachi shrugged and resumed eating his sandwich. A rather loud 'crunch!' was heard before a "AAAAAHHH! OMG WHAT THE HELL! EEEEEEK!" (Note: This was originally used in HarvestMoonRaccoon's '30 Ways to Make Hyuuga Neji Mad' story, and I thought it'd be funny to use it on Itachi. The idea is property of her, though, and I give her complete credit. In fact...)

"WHEEEE! HELLO, I'M HERE FROM COPYWRITE LAND! SEE THE PRETTY SYMBOL? ©!" HarvestMoonRacoon bounded into the kitchen just in time to see Itachi turn blue as he choked himself for eating the...whatever it was.

A bunch of other fanfic writers then piled into the room, including the one with the super long name that I can't type..oh what the hell, here's 'Magical-Inkable-Pen-Of-The-Rubber-Duckies-Who-Lives-On-Durly-Lane-With-The-Muffin-Man-Duck-And-His-Muffin-Friends-Who-Rock-Solid-Rock-And-Hate-Michael Jackson'! Then they all had a fanfiction party! With chips and dip! PROVIDED BY KROGER SUPERMARKETS! YAY!

"YAAAY! FELLOW FANFICTION WRITERS UNITE!" Fullmidget Alchemist said as she started doing the Can-Can dance with about 20 cats. She hi-fived HarvestMoonRaccoon before hopping away with her cat-line.

Itachi was still turning blue. But then all of a sudden he wasn't, cuz I don't want to explain

Then everyone moved to the sides of the room as a drunken Rock Lee started breakdancing in the middle of the kitchen. A few people started chanting 'GO LEE! GO LEE! ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY! ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY!'. Then Shino pulled out an AK-47 and blew up the kitchen. Deidara, who had been asleep up until a moment ago, walked into the (ruined) kitchen. A 'OMFG WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!' look spread across his face and he looked like he was about to faint. Which he did.

* * *

Azuki, who was still talking to the wall, walked over and sat on Deidara (like Dei-san did with Gaara in chapter 200-something of the manga).

"Hehe...Deidara makes a good butt-pillow."

* * *

Okay! New feature! In your reviews, you can suggest characters that you would like to see in the next chapter, and I will TRY to put them in. I'll give credit to you at the end of the chapter with your character in it!

* * *

Notes:

1. Anna Kyoyama from Shaman King is teh awesomeness. I put her in here at the suggestion of UchinaTsuki. Whee! Yoh Asakura is also from Shaman King; he's the lazy one.

2. I just couldn't resist putting Sephiroth in here again. He's so cool.

3. Lee is a master of the drunken fist. He's awesome. Yay Lee!

4. Shukaku is the biju (demon-spirit) sealed inside Gaara. Yondaime Kazekage is Gaara's (evil, yet somewhat hot) dad. Temari (and Kankuro) are Gaara's siblings. I don't think Yondaime has eyebrows, and Kankuro's are painted on with his kabuki make-up. Yashamaru is that dude (Gaara's uncle?) that Gaara killed and then he freaked out cuz he was the only person that had loved the poor little Shukaku-san. -cry- Oh, and Shino is the HOT guy who's body is infested with bugs. He uses them as like...'attack-beetles', and in turn, they live off his chakra. I love beetles. And Shino is sexy. Especially with an AK-47

5. InuYasha and Shippo are from the show InuYasha. I was watching the 3rd movie when I wrote this.

6. Ed and Jean Havoc are from Fullmetal Alchemist. I made up the song that Havoc was singing.

7. Ichigo Kurosaki (his first name means Strawberry)and Orihime are both from the anime/manga 'Bleach' which is SO FRICKEN AWESOME! GO KON! GO KON! ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY! (not really, I do love Kon though! Yay!) Orihime is cool, but she is sort of a flake.

8. I made Zetsu reading 'Seventeen' cuz I thought it'd be funny. I myself do not read those types of magazines often, and I have no idea if Ashlee Simpson was even at the Grammys. I've never watched the Grammys or any other program like that. But its still funny.

9. Mamimi is the highschool girl from FLCL, she used to be Naota's brother's girlfriend, but after he left, she went to Naota (who's kinda like 'get the hell away from me' at some times.) and she's a total flake. FLCL rocks.

10. HarvestMoonRaccoon and Magical-Inkable-Pen-Of-The-Rubber-Duckies-Who-Lives-On-Durly-Lane-With-The-Muffin-Man-Duck-And-His-Muffin-Friends-Who-Rock-Solid-Rock-And-Hate-Michael Jackson are two of my favourite fanfiction writers here on FFdotNet. I am Fullmidget Alchemist

11. GO SHUKAKU! ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY! WOOOT!

* * *

Ok, hope you liked chapter 5! I was reallyrandom/hyper when I wrote it, andso here it is! I loved how I made Azuki talk to a wall. AndI put Gaara-daddy in here!I will try to add more soon! Review, and give me characters to use in the story! YAY!

**ART IS A BANG!**

**oOoOoOo**


	6. The Never Ending Soda

This is going to be a long chapter...very long...and thats not inlcuding the translation notes and stuff...well...maybe not too long now that I've got to chekc the overall word count. I hope you like it! MILK MADNESS! LOVE POTIONS! AKASUNA NO SASORI! NEJI LOVES KANKUROU!

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE OTHER ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONED HEREIN! I DO OWN:**

**A toothbrush, numerous bottles of soda, a rather large collection of pencils and/or pencil shavings, a blue mouse, and four toothpicks.**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

After the mishaps with Rock Lee (his saké had finally worn off and he was left with a massive hangover.), everyone had somewhat calmed down. The fanfiction writers were drinking tea in the gazebo, Itachi and Azuki had stole Kakashi's hot tub and were now enjoying it (this is the part where people drool over seeing Itachi in a hot tub), Kakashi was flirting with random people, and Tao Ren was making his 5th trip to the refrigerator in the past 30 minutes.

"DUDE, WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP GOING TO THE FRIDGE!" screamed a very-annoyed Horohoro.

"I'M DRINKING MY MILK!"

"SCREW YOUR MILK! YA HEAR THAT!" Horohoro then nabbed Ren's milk and threw it out a window. "HAH!" uh-oh.

"You idiot!" Screamed Ren. "THAT WAS MY LAST BOTTLE! MILK RAGE ATTACK!" Ren then began chasing Horohoro around the kitchen.

* * *

-meanwhile-

* * *

"This hot tub is great!" squee'd Azuki and she splashed in the hot tub. "Its all bubbly!"

"I never understood why Kakashi had a hot tub. He lives next door to an open-air hot springs resort." Itachi muttered. He sunk under the hot water until only his head was at the surface, and once again his long black hair was flowing around him like a halo. -many fan-peoples drool-

"He lives next to a hot spring!" Azuki screamed with glee. "We should go there sometime!"

"...Sure." Itachi blushed a slight pink as Azuki leaned on his chest and smiled. "That sounds nice."

* * *

-back with the others-

* * *

"TOBITOBITOBITOBITOBITOBI!" Deidara screamed as he tried to shake the young man off his leg. "WILL YOU LET GO OF ME!"

"But...Zetsu-san isn't here."

"SO!"

"I really want to join Akatsuki!"

"AND YOU THINK THAT HANGING ON MY LEG IS GONNA HELP!"

"Besides, we've already introduced two of the other members of Akatsuki."

Thousands of Naruto and Akatsuki fan-people screamed "WHAT!"

"Yes" Mashashi Kishimoto poofed out of nowhere and pointed at chapter 312. "See here. More akatsukis. This one is Hidan and this one is Kakuzu."

"Thank you, Kishimoto-sensei" Azuki said as she and Itachi poofed into the house.

"Aha. Uchiha Itachi. One of my more popular characters, just like Sasuke." Kishimoto-sensei said, shaking Itachi's hand. Itachi had a 'WTF?' look on his face, which was to be expected seeing as he was shaking hands with the same person that had drawn him. Confusing, hmm?

"OMFG MASASHI KISHIMOTO IS HERE!" suddenly the hoarde of Naruto fans, being led by none other than our very ownDeidara, started stampeding towards Kishimoto-sensei, with 'WE LOVE MASASHI KISHIMOTO' signs in their hands.

"GET 'EM, GIRLS!" Deidara screamed as he flew ahead of the group on his floaty clay birdie thing. That thing is hella cool.

"Uh-oh. It appears that I must make my leave now. It was nice to meet you all!" Masashi Kishimoto-sensei said as he poofed away.

"Well...that was fun.", Itachi said, still bewildered. He had one of those 'OMG what the hell just happened?' looks on his face.

"Um, 'Tachi-san" Azuki said as she shoved her face full of some cooked yakiniku that had magically appeared. Yum. "Why are you so...freaked-out looking?" she dipped some of the food into someponzu sauce that had also magically appeared.

"I just shook hands with the dude that drew me. That MADE me what I am. Thats would be like shaking hands with God or something for you guys! PLUS HE'S A FAMOUS MANGA-KA!" Itachi started hyperventalating. So Anna personally decided to whop him upside the head with Ren. Then...the most horrible thing ever happened (No, Shino didn't laugh; that was episode 186). Ren's spikey thing fell off.

"GASP!" Everyone gasped. Ren's face went all twitchy and then he passed out; foaming at the mouth. Taking advantage of this predicament, an orange spikey-sun-guy picked up the pokey and placed it upon his own pointy head. "WAHAHA! TOMATO! TOMATOOOOOO!" he screamed, running in circles until he ran into Itachi and got knocked out.

Then the Kishimoto-less fangirls put their attention towards a new person...ED! They swarmed all over him until he locked himself in Harry's broom closet and refused to come out. Even when offered tuna-on-rye.

"GET OUT OF MY CLOSET, YOU HOBO!" Harry screamed.

"NO!" Ed then transmuted the door shut so that no one could get in.

* * *

Meanwhile...one of the fangirls...-coughcough- Neji -coughcough-...erm...well, he looks like a girl. Anyways, one of the fan-peoples was stirring up something evil in the kitchen.

"Hmm...so if I add...this." he picked up random spices. Suddenly, a tan-skinned woman poofed out of thin air. She floated above Neji's head for a second before screaming. "Aha!" Neji, startled, fell backwards. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!"

"Geez, rude much?" She said. "Anyways, I'm Urd, and from what I see, you're trying to make a looooove potion! Hehehehe..."

"Urd? What a weird name."

"I'M A GODDESS! ALL OUR NAMES OUR WEIRD! MY SISTER'S NAME IS BELLDANDY, WHATS UP WITH THAT!" -cough- "Anyways, do you want my help or not?" she said, annoyed at the cocky young man in front of her.

"Sure, whatever." He said and walked away. "This means I can watch the end of 'All My Children'!" he squee'd.

So Urd set to work on creating the perfect looove potion for Neji. Now who was Neji going to use it on? Ed? No...perhaps his secret crush...KANKUROU! LE GASP!

* * *

-meanwhile-

* * *

The Ed-less, Harry-less, Masashi Kishimoto-less fangirls were now direction their attention towards Itachi, who was currently hiding under Kakuzu's akatsuki cloak.

"Um, Itachi-san, do you mind? the humongous akatsuki asked. Itachi looked up, realizing just how tall Kakuzu was. They stared at each other for a second. "...GET OUT OF MY COAT!" Itachi sniffed and ran away down the hall while being followed by rabid Uchiha fangirls.

"NOOO!" He yelped and jumped into the refuge of Azuki's room. Once inside, he noticed the familiar messiness had not cleared up. As he tripped over a random stack of old issues of Shonen Gangan, he saw that Azuki was watching him from the ceiling fan. Yes, she was hanging from the fan. Deidara had given her the idea while ago. "A..Azuki! What are you doing up there!"

"Hangin out." She couldn't contain her laughter as she saw the young man's 'WTF' expression. "OMG ITACHI YOU LOOK SO FUNNY!" she jumped down and hugged Itachi. He cringed as he heard the fangirls stampeding towards the hall. Azuki saw his pained expression as he thought about all the cruel and unusual things the fangirls (and even fan_boys _would do to him if they found him. "Itachi-san.." she buried her head in his chest, "You can hide from them in here for a while..." she whispered. He gulped, sweat trickling down his neck._ "Is she..." _he thought. Azuki puller herself closer to his face and kissed him. The sound of the stampede was slowly growing louder as the hallway rumbled outside. Itachi slowly locked the door and shut of the lights just as the fangirls began making their way down the hall.

* * *

-with Deidara-

* * *

Deidara was currently sitting on his floaty-clay-birdie-thing playing his Nintendo DS. The new one. The new PINK one that he had borrowed from Sasori. Deidara seemed to borrow a lot of Sasori's stuff. Especially the pink stuff.

"DEIDARA! HAVE YOU SEEN MY DS!" Sasori yelled from...somewhere? He came tumbling down the stairs, Hiruko puppet in tow. Upon realizing that the Iwa-nin was once again borrowing his stuff (luckily it wasn't his pink boxers like last time; he'd just told Deidara to keep those.) he exploded into FURY! No, not Fuery, FURY! "DEIDARA! GIVE ME MY DS!" They promptly began a game of 'Chase The Genderless Artist', and they went tumbling throughout the hallways. Like tumbleweeds! Deidara and Sasori are tumbleweeds!

* * *

-in the kitchen-

-cough- DeidaraxSasori FOREVER! -cough-

* * *

Urd had long-since fallen asleep while making Neji's love potion. As she snored in a chair to the side of the room, a drowsy Temari dragged herself in the door.

"Ugh...goddammit...I couldn't sleep at all last night. Gaara kept...staring at me. With those weird raccoon-eyes...just cuz he's got a bad case of Shukaku-insomnia..." she looked around for something, _anything_, that looked alchoholic and would keep her from falling asleep. She glanced at the cauldron of gook on the stove where Urd had been cooking. "Hmmm..." she sniffed the fumes coming off its surface. "Ugh...smells disgusting...and a little like tequila..." she paused for a second before dipping a mug in the stuff and taking a huge swig of it. "GAAH!" she grabbed at her throat. The taste was just _too horrible_. Suddenly, she was overcome by a senastion that felt like..a sensation of some sort. "Geez, what was in that stuff?" She muttered as she stumbled out the door. She looked around, still feeling a little woozy. All of a sudden, the 'Chase the Genderless Artist' duo came crashing down the stairway. Temari gasped as she ran over to see if they were all right.

"Ugh...SASORI YOU DUMBASS! YOU MADE ME EAT A LAMP!" Deidara sputtered as one of his hand-mouths coughed up a mangled lamp.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHOLE STARTED THIS!" Sasori screamed. The young kunoichi rushed over to them.

"Are you all-right?" she asked. They both nodded. "Well, in that case, YOU IDIOTS! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DO-" she stopped, mid-sentance, as she gazed upon Sasori's un-puppeted face. Little hearts appeared in her eyes as the love potion took full effect. "I...I.." Kankurou, seeing his sister's plight, came rushing to her aide.

"Temari, hey! Are you all-right?" he looked at her as she covered her face.

"Yes...I...I..."

"You what?"

"I..I THINK I'M IN LOVE!" little hearts swarmed around her faster than a kikaichu swarm around Shino (who's hot, by the way). She proceeded to glomp Sasori as he attempted to run away. She fell to the ground as he dashed down the hall.

"NOOO! COME BACK MY LOVE!" she chased after him with the little hearts dloating all around her head.

Maito Gai stood on the sidelines and watched_. "Ahh, the power of youth."_ Then was promptly attacked by fangirls asking him, "WHERE IS LEE! WE NEED ROCK LEE!' Ah yes, my friend Melody was in the group as well.

Meanwhile, Kyuubi was enjoying the conveniently-placed hot tub outside. Naruto was just...dead somewhere or something. Nah, I won't be that cruel. He was hiding under the cabinets, stroking a pack of instant ramen while muttering_ "The Precious..." _over and over.

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED(?)**

* * *

AS ALWAYS, notes:

1. Tao Ren and Horohoro are from Shaman King. Ren has a pokey thing on his hair and drinks a lot of milk. Horohoro is the LIFE OF THE PARTY!

2. I don't really need to explain what hot springs are, do I? If you don't know, please Google it. Open-air hot springs are the ones that are outside with no walls around them.

3. Masashi Kishimoto-sensei is the creator of Naruto. I admire him and his art very much, thus I refer to him with the '-sensei' honourific instead of simply '-san' or '-sama'.

4. Kakuzu and Hidan are two of the newest members of Akatsuki. By 'newest' I mean most recently introduced. These are not 'new' members. They've been members for a while. They premiered in Chapter 312 of Naruto manga. Hidan is very tall/large, giving Itachi plenty of room to hide under his coat. If you'd like to see their profiles, Wikipedia has the best description so-far.

5. Yakiniku, or 'Yakiniku-Q' is korean-style barebeque, where you cook your own meats, fish, poultry, etc. on a grille in the middle of the table. Its very delicious.

6. Yes, Aburame Shino laughed (a lot)in episode 186 of Naruto anime. I was HILARIOUS!Did I mention that I like him? His hair is so fuzzy! SHINO IS AFRO MAN! He's like the only (hot) Japanese guy with an afro! Thats so awesome!

7. The 'orange spikey sun-guy' is Don Patchi from Bo bo bo- Bo-bo Bo Bo. He is extremly crazy and random. But then again, the entire show is crazy and random.

8. Yeppie, I put Harry Potter in here. I myself and a huge fan of the Harry Potter series, and if you have any problem with that, well, good for you.

9. Urd is from the series Ah! Megami-sama, aka Ah! My Goddess. Its recently become more popular with the release of the new anime series, and I have always been a big fan of the manga too. Belldandy is one of the main characters from the series; she's verrry kind and pretty.

10. Yes, Neji watches Soap Operas like 'All My Children'. At least, in my opinion he does. And one of my Neji pairings is the weird-yet-funny NejixKankurou.

11. Shounen Gangan is a manga magazine similar to Shounen Jump, etc, by Square Enix that comes out every month in Japan. I subscribe, and currently have a giant pile of issues sitting in the floor of my room.

12. Gaara has Shukaku-insomnia. Meaning that, because Shukaku would take over his personality if he did, Gaara doesn't sleep. Ever. Well...maybe after the whole 'akatsuki-shukaku-Gaara-kidnappey-Deidara thing he does, but I'm not sure. Then he'd loose the lines around his eyes! HE WOULDN'T BE THE GAARA THAT WE'VE ALL COME TO KNOW AND LOVE! Kyuubi is Naruto's bijuu-thingy. Yeah...

13. Yes! Randonly inserted Lord of the Rings quote! 'The Precious..' is what Gollum says about 'The Ring' thingy.

* * *

So, there ya go! The long-awaited chapter 6! I'll try to update sooner this time!

**oOoOoOo**


	7. Sai is a Bastard

Uhm...yeah, heres the next chapter! I'm sorry if it seems a little shorter than the other chapters; I didn't need as many notes as usual.

Oh, and the weirdest pairing I've made so far, which probably won't be in here is:

SephirothxGreen Lantern

I do not support TemarixKankurou or any Sand-sibling incest. For one thing, Kankurou is too hot for that. -glomps Kankurou- so is Gaara! Yay for eybrowless Shukaku-san!

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, FRUITS BASKET, OR ANY OF THE OTHER ANIME/MANGA/STUFF MENTIONED HEREIN!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

"Normally in a Kabuki, or maybe its another type of play, but a male person portrays a female character but I'm the male character portraying the female character that portrays the male character in DOUBLE KABUKI! AHH! KABUKI!"

"GOD, KANKUROU, SHUT-UP!"

"Hey, if you're doing a double Kabuki, does that mean you have to wear double Kabuki masks? Or double-layered face paint?" Deidara asked, curiously

"NOT YOU TOO!"

"And then asprin was invented. Common cure for things...asprin cures." Kayla muttered to...no one really. Maybe she was talking to a wall this time! Yay! Walls! Oh wait, it was Ashley dressed as a wall!

* * *

Meanwhile, Temari was talking to Mamimi about people after the timeskip in the Naruto manga.

"Yeah, and Kankurou actually looks pretty hot without the face paint."

"OMG TEMARI! THATS _INCEST_!" Kankurou stuck out his tongue. "Besides, aren't you like, in love with Sasori?"

"Not anymore. That ended."

Kankurou scratched his fuzzy head. Squee..he's not wearing his hat-kabuki-stuff. "When did that happen?"

"During the intermission between the last chapter and this one."

* * *

-flashback-

* * *

While Deidara was playing Sasori's DS, Urd was sleeping, and Azuki and Itachi were...umm..._yeah..._we'll skip over that so I won't have to change the fanfiction's rating to 'M'. Anyhow, while all that was going on, Temari was busy chasing Sasori throughout the house.

"SASOOOORI! WAIT FOR-" she stopped. Sasori held rather large frying pan over his head. "STAND BACK! I HAVE WEAPON!"

"Hey, um, Sasori, I was making pancakes with that." Zetsu said as a pancake slid off the pan onto Sasori's head.

"OMFG DAMN PANCAKES!"

"HEY, THEY'RE A LITERARY DEVICE!" The authoress proceeded to hit Sasori in the head with a guitar. **I LOVE PANCAKES.**

"Wh- wh...WHAT THE HELL!" Temari screamed. The authoress, whom we shall call 'Saki' for now, waked over and shook hands with a pink-haired woman on a yellow Vespa scooter. "Thanks for lending me the guitar, Haru-san" Then Temari fainted and was jumped on by many chibi characters, including a Chibi Kimimaro, Chibi Homonculi, and many more Chibi-fied peoples.

* * *

-end flashback-

* * *

"Ok, so, what was the point of that?" the still-hot Kankurou asked.

"Well, when I woke up, I wasn't in love with Sasori anymore. Fancy that." she laughed. Kankurou just walked away thinking _"Oh yeah, she is _SUCH_ a dumb blonde..."

* * *

_

-meanwhile, with Deidara-

* * *

"And so then he was all like "YEAH!" and I was all, "WHATEVER" and, OMG can you PLEASE give me the number of your stylist, he does the BEST styling and like I was saying he was like-"

Kyou gritted his teeth. The blonde had been talking on Sasori's mobile phone for the past hour about NOTHING, and was wearing on Cat-man's last nerve.

"AND SO I'M ALL IN 'ANGRY BLONDE BITCH IN CHECKOUT LINE' MODE AND HE GOES-"

"OMFG SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!" Kyou went crazy, and threw a table at Deidara. Dei-chan hopped out of the way just in time. Terrified, he said, "Wh- WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"AARGH!" Kyou started picking up another object to throw at the Iwa-nin, but before he could, Deidara ran off down the hall, little chibi-tears in his eyes.

"SOMEBODY...KYOU'S PICKING ON ME!" he said in a very Momijii-ish voice. Then Deidara did a 'splodey' thing and tried to hide in Itachi's room.

"Itachi is soooo gonna kill me for hiding in his room...and sploding his door." the blonde said as he slunk behind a pile of old Itachi-clothes. As he moved farther into the mess, his back bumped against something...or rather, someone.

"Hey, you're the blonde crotchless dude." the person said. Deidara jumped up in surprise, then stared intently at the person. "Who you callin' crotchless, you asshole?"

"Well, I'm obviously not calling myself names, so who else is here? or are you retarded too?" Deidara recognized that know-it-all manner of speech.

"OH I REMEMBER YOU! YOU'RE THAT FAGGOT SAI FROM KONOHA!" Deidara pointed at him accusedly. Suddenly, another figure ran into the room. It was none other than Sasuke!

"SAI! WHERE?" he looked around, spotting Sai. "YOU!" Then Sasuke did the only intelligent thing I've ever seen him do; he punched Sai square in the jaw!

"DUDE! WTF?" Deidara thought about hi-five-ing the young Uchiha, but decided not to for fear that Itachi would get him for it later. Instead he just gave him an enthusiastic, "THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Well, what can you expect? That little loser stole my fangirls!"

"Uh, Sasuke, I thought you hated all the fangirls." Kiba asked. Oh, I forgot to mention, Kiba was in the room as well.

"I did. But I enjoyed the fact that having such a large fanclub made other people jealous. So there." Sasuke stuck out his tongue at Kiba.

"Well, in that case, I'd like to inform you that two of your biggest fans have, in fact, moved on." Kiba snickered.

"WHAT?"

"Yes. Sakura's more interested in Rock Lee, and apparently, due to him calling her 'Gorgeous', Ino like Sai."

"SAI AGAIN?" He punched the unconscious Sai in the stomach. "And what was that about Sakura?"

"She's with Dog-brows"

"OMFG ARE YOU SERIOUS? SAKURAxROCK LEE FANFICS...ARGH THE IMAGES! THEY SCAR MY MIND!" Sasuke gripped his head in agony as he imagined little Sakura and Rock Lee babies running around. Then Sasuke passed out.

* * *

-in another place room thingie-

* * *

"'Cuz Philosophers Stone is made of..people! PEOPLE!" Edward cackled manically. Apparently, he'd gone off the deep end.

"Really? It doesn't taste like people.."

"Zetsu, thats a piece of taffy." Hidan sighed as he flipped through the newest chapter of Naruto manga._ "Sigh...I am just too good looking."_ he thought.

"Oh. I knew that." Zetsu laughed nervously. He chewed furiously on the taffy-philosophers-stone. Then Ed came, punched the poor guy in the mouth, and ran off screaming "I GOT IT! I GOTS THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE!"

Then...suddenly...POSSUMS.

* * *

-meanwhile-

* * *

"Zetsu-san, if I make everyone pancakes for breakfast, will they let me join Akatsuki?"

"sigh...I really don't know, Tobi. I personally would rather have you in Akatsuki than that Hidan guy." Zetsu sighed, stirring cake mix. Deidara had got bored, mixed up some cake mix to make a cake, and then ate all the mix. So for some reason Zetsu was baking a cake now. Until..HE GOT RUN OVER BY A VESPA!

"EWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the pink-haired woman sped off, cackling.

"Ow. That..hurt." Zetsu then started re-making his cake mix.

"NOT AS MUCH AS THIS!" then Kimbley and Deidara teamed up again and blew up Zetsu! Well, they blew up his venus-flytap thing, at least.

"ZOMG! ZETSU!" Deidara gaped at him. "Without the plant-thing..YOU'RE HOT!"

"BACK OFF DEIDARA!"

Then, out of no-where, Kisame GLOMPED Zetsu!

I'll leave you with that image imbedded into your mind, for now.

* * *

Notes:

1. Ok, the whole 'Double Kabuki' thing is something I made up when I was really bored, and lacking about 2-days sleep. I thought it'd be funny to have Kankurou rambling about kabuki and stuff. Kankurou is hot.

2. Yay! I put Kayla in here! and Ashley! They're two of my bestest friends. I'll try to put Lauren and Minoru in here too! Kayla actually said that 'Asprin Cures' thing at school, and wrote it in our fanfiction book.

3. Hahaha I put Haruko from FLCL in here! and her famous Rickenbacher bass guitar! SHE RAN OVER ZETSU!

4.. ZOMG Sai is the dude who 'replaces' Sasuke on Team 7 after the timeskip in Naruto manga. He constantly makes rude (yet funny) jokes and comments on Naruto's...erm...'manhood'.

5. SAKURAxROCK LEE FOREVER!

6. 'Philosophers Stone is made of...PEOPLE!' is something Mike McFarland said in the audio commentary on the 5th english Fullmetal Alchemist DVD. I swear..it was so hilarious. There were shirts that said that on it at Houkocon.

7. Zetsu-san IS hot without his venus-flytrap thing. I saw a fanart of it. :3

* * *

Wow...only 7 notes! I guess I need to add different characters in here soon...I'VE ALREADY STARTED ON A MINI-CHAPTER:

SOUND FIVE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION FACE-OFF!

Because Kimimaro is hot. and great at DDR.

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**oOoOoOo**


	8. The Sound Five DDR Party plus Neji

Now, for the mini-chapter we've all been waiting for...

SOUND FIVE DDR TIME! Plus Neji!

I was really bored when I wrote this, and had been watching the 'Ultimate Naruto Fan Flash' series of videos online, and so I decided to make the Sound Five (plus Neji) do DDR.

Just a note to those who don't know: DDR stands for Dance Dance Revolution. Its like StepMania and stuff. If you don't know what it is, Google it.

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, THE SOUND FIVE, NEJI,OR ANYTHING ELSE!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

"Oh boy! Dance of the Larch no Jutsu!" (credit for this line goes to moosecream on sheezyart dot com) 

It was Kimimaro's time to shine. He stepped onto the DDR machine, chose a song, and prepared to dance to his little hearts content.

"Holy Flying Cheesewheels, that little guy's feet move fast!"

"Move it, Kaguya-hime, its my turn next!"

"Shut up and wait your turn like everyone else, Kidoumaru. Or I'll kill you again." Neji snarled at the eight-armed Sound nin.

"AND DON'T CALL HIM 'Kaguya-hime!' YOU ASSWIPE!" a pinkish-red haired girl screamed at the spider guy.

"Oooh...does potty-mouth Tayuya have a thing for Mr.Poinsetta?"

"HE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A -bleep-ING FLOWER, KIDOUMARU!"

"Ah, so you admit you have a thing for him?"

"I NEVER SAID THAT, SHIT-FACE!"

"Ladies should not speak like-"

"SHUT UP JIROUBOU, YOU CAN'T EVEN FIT YOUR LARD ASS ON THE DDR MACHINE!" Tayuya kept yelling, until her face turned red and she had a stroke and died from being too...high-strung or something. Naw, not really. I won't kill her because she and Kimimaro make a cute couple.

"You know what I just realized?"

Kidoumaru sighed. "What has the great Sakon discovered today?" he said sarcastically.

"I...have two heads. And they both make me look like a transvestite." he stared at himself in awe.

"Good for you. Now you've proved that you're both stupid and gender-confused."

"Well, at least were not UGLY" Ukon snapped. Sakon piped up, "or FAT!"

Everyone stared.

Sasuke was there too. He's an Oro-groupie now, remember?

"Wrong thing to say, dumbass." the kid with the hair that looks like a chickens butt said.

"Oops." was all Sakon said before Jiroubou slammed him into the back of the DDR machine.

"I'M NOT FAT!"

Pleasingly plump people, unite!

-cough- Sorry, that's Chouji's line. -cough-

Kimimaro was still DDR-ing, only this time, Orochimaru was on the other dance-pad, also dancing.

"You DO realize you hired a bunch of idiots...right?" the white-haired young man asked his superior.

"Yes. But they're MY idiots, so thats what counts." with that, he mock-hugged Tayuya and she passed out like 'OMG what the hell'.

and so they kept DDR-ing.

Forever.

Until Tayuya got bored and kicked Orochimaru off the machine and started DDR-ing against Kimimaro.

And then...someone died. Maybe Sasuke.

**FIN**

* * *

ULTIMATE CREDITS!

Credit to SnowDragon for her amazing Ultimate Naruto Fan Flash stuff, it gave me the idea for this.

Credit to moosecream on sheezyart for the HIALRIOUS rendition of the line 'Oh boy! Dance of the Larch no Jutsu!

Credit to my refridgerator for keeping the sour creme and cheese cold so i could make the nachos needed to fuel this madness.

Credit to Masashi Kishimoto for making Naruto and all its characters.

UH...CREDIT TO ANYONE ELSE I FORGOT!

* * *

I hope everyone liked it! I know this is a lot shorter than most of the chapters I write, but it IS a mini chapter after all. Umm..yeah...just a little short thing:  
TAYUYAxKIMIMARO FOREVER! SAKON AND UKON ARE HOT!

-cough-

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**oOoOoOo**


	9. Groceries and Costco

w00t! I'm back! And here's a new chapter of 'All in the Name of Randomness'! It took me a while to think of something, because NO ONE WAS REVIEWING! C'mon peeps, is the story THAT BAD? Please, I need your feedback and reccomendations. Enjoy this newest chapter.

Wrote while listening to Flock of Seagulls. wh33t.

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE OTHER ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONED HEREIN!  
****C'mon, how much longer must I write this disclaimer? I think we all know that I don't own Naruto.**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

Suddenly, some hippie from the 60's fell from the sky. 

"I have returned to guide you in the ways of nature and love." The hippie said, doing a yoga pose. Yoga sounds like yoghurt. I like yoghurt!

"Great! Now that you're here..." Finder77 held out a chicken "Fight this chicken!"

"I do not condone violence, so I will not duel with the poultry." and with that, the chicken was freed. Or rather, it clawed its way out of its cage."

Meanwhile, Kankurou, Zetsu, Ed, Kimimaro, and some more random anime people stood watching the scene in awe. Stupefied awe. Oh, by the way, Azuki and Itachi are back this chapter! They're done doing...erm..._that_. Azuki was chasing the chicken screaming, "I LOVE CHICKENS!"

"Um, question." Kimimaro raised his hand. "Is she _really_ that dumb?"

"Don't call my girlfriend dumb, bonehead." Itachi hit Kimimaro on the head. Owwies.

"DO NOT HARM THE ENFEEBLED, MEANIE-HEAD!" Kimimaro screamed at Itachi, then started munching on some cheese that magically appeared from nowhere in particular. CALCIUM!

* * *

-meanwhile-

* * *

"I like milk." Ren said, hiding behind a couch. 

"Good for you. Now shut up and be a good hider." Rock Lee said as he also hid behind the couch. Ashley was hiding there too. They were hiding from Anna, who had teamed up with Winry and were rampaging.

"Hey, you. Crazy lady." Ren said, poking Ashley. "Why haven't you just killed Winry already?"

"Yeah, you're the homicidal one here." Lee whispered.

"Two reasons: 1. Death Penalty. 2.Wood chipper broken." Ashley said. The two boys stared in fear and awe. _"Thats one helluva woman."_ they thought.

Winry must Die.

* * *

-back to the others-

* * *

"O-kay, now for todays adventure...we're going grocery/supply shopping!" Azuki said, holding up a piece of paper. "This is the list!" 

"Woah! Paper!" Orochimaru said, poking it. "Its so...flat!" Tayuya bonked him on the head. "Lay off the crack, Colonel Asshole"

Suddenly, Roy burst through the door. "He's not Colonel Asshole...I AM!" he was wearing a Superman-ish cape, too. And doing that 'All female officers will wear miniskirts' pose too.

"Um, sir, you _do_ realize you just called yourself an asshole, right?" Hawkeye said, sighing.

"Umm..._maybe_..." Roy said with shifty eyes.

Azuki cleared her throat. "Anyways, who's gonna come with me to the grocery store?" she asked.

"Oooh! Me! Me!" Deidara waved his hand back and forth rapidly.

"O-kay, fine. Deidara, and whom else?" she said, looking at Itachi.He saw Azuki was staring at him, "No way. I hate grocery stores!"

"Aw, c'mon Itachi...please?" she gave him puppy eyes. He looked away and she came over and whispered in his ear, "I'll let you buy the economy sized box of doughnuts this time..." his eyes lit up. Azuki NEVER let him buy the big box-o-doughnuts, probably because last time he'd bought them he'd tried to wrap one around Orochimaru's neck to strangle him.

"O-kay. But only if you let me get the doughnuts." he muttered. "The chocolate glazed ones."

Azuki smiled and hugged him "Of course, Itachi-san. Would I lie to you?"

"Maybe. You did when you bought the chickens." Itachi said. Flashback time! w00ter!

* * *

-flashback-

* * *

"I wonder where Azuki is? She's been out for a while now..." Itachi sat on the couch in the sitting room, where Zetsu was reading the paper, and Sakon was making origami. 

Clucking was heard from the doorway_. "Thats funny...we don't have any chickens.."_ Itachi thought. Here's a look inside the thoughts of some other people!

Zetsu was thinking_, "Ooh...free-range meat...er..poultry. Not as good as people, but still tasty."_

Sakon was thinking_, "Bastard chickens, shut up! You're wrecking my concentration! I'm trying to make a paper crane!"_

Now, back to the reality of the flashback.

Azuki stumbled in the door, her jacket bulging. The clucking had stopped, but it was obvious the chickens were not gone.

"Azuki-chan, what's in your jacket?" Itachi asked, poking her jacket.

"N-nothing! Its always been this way!" Azuki stuttered.

"Oh, so its always had a chicken's head sticking out of the pocket?"

She looked at her right pocket, which, sure enough, had a chicken in it.

"Ralph! You were supposed to stay hidden until I could hide you in my room!" she said frantically. Suddenly, all the chickens she'd been hiding bustled out of her jacket and ran away through the house. "Noo! Charley! Lola! Maurine! Come back!"

* * *

-end flashback-

* * *

Nice place to end the flashback, eh? 

"I remember that. I woke up to find a chicken pecking my hand, un. It tasted like crackers." Deidara said.

"Alright, alright, I get it. So I lied once. Big-whoopdie-flippin-deal." she stared at Itachi, who was grinning mischeviously. "Whats up with you?", she asked him.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking." he said.

ITACHI'S MIND!

-These thoughts have been censored in order to retain the sanity of our viewers.-

UHH...YEAH!

"Hey, why'd you name the chicken Maurine?" asked Deidara, who was hanging from the ceiling fan.

"Because we started off with two chickens; Maurine and Joanne." Azuki replied. "But Joanne ran away."

"Zomg, I didn't know you were a fan of RENT?" Deidara squealed, flabbergasted.

"Zomg!" so Azuki and Deidara did the 'ZOMG happy happy RENT fan dance'. Then they all went to the grocery store.

* * *

After piling out of the car, Azuki, Itachi, Kisame, Roy, Deidara, and some more peoples ran into the grocery store like kids in a candy store. By the way, they didn't just go to ANY grocery store. they went to...ZOMG...COSTCO! 

"HOLD IT!" Azuki screamed. Everyone stopped in their tracks and looked at her. "We still don't know what we were going to buy." she waved the list again. "Thats whyI brought this."

"All hail the magical list of shopping-ness!" orochimaru said, bowing down to the list.

"Seriously, what's he been smoking?" Kisame asked.

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that." Orochimaru said casually. Everyone just stared at him. "What? I'm kidding! Geez, you guys need to lighten up!"

So, in a desperate attempt to 'lighten up' they all floated up to the clouds and ate marshmallows. Except Roy. Marshmallows give him gas. Then they came back down to earth.

"Now, what were we doing, again?" Azuki asked, picking a piece of cloud out of her ear. No, not those clouds! The kind in the sky!

"Did someone say my name?" Cloud said as he poofed out of...nowhere really. Then a scream was heard from rabid Final Fantasy fangirls as they noticed their beloved Cloudy-poo was here.

"ZOMG ITS CLOOOOUUUUUUDDD!" they all screamed as they ran over and carried Cloud away in a stampede of fangirlyness.

"Wow. That was..." Roy started.

"...random, un." Deidara finished.

"Hmm yeah so o-kay, what was on the list..." Azuki said. Deidara snatched it out of her hand and tore it up.

"List-smisht. I, Deidara, the Ultimate Impule Shopper, will assit you in your shopping needs, un!" and for some reason, Deidara had ties his Akatsuki cloak around his neck like a cape.

"What are you, Superman or something?" Itachi asked.

"No, I am...SUPER DEIDARA!" he screamed majestically, flying around the room. "See? You can't see that I'm being yanked around by a theatrical wire! Ahahaha! AHHH, UN!" and he fell to his doom into the waters beneath the Seven Mile Bridge. "AHHH! I'M DROWNING! I CAN'T SWIM, UN!" he sputtered, flopping about like a chicken with its head cut off...or something.

"You idiot, the water's only 3 feet deep." Its true. At some spots of the Seven Mile Bridge the water is only a few feet deep.

"Oh..." Deidara stood up. "I knew that, un."

BACK TO SHOPPING!

"Lets see..." Deidara and Azuki were looking around on the 'SNACK' aisle. "Do we need fruit gummies shapped like characters from Veggie Tales? I think we do.." Azuki muttered as she put 5 boxes of them in the cart.

"Oooh! Get some sunflower seeds too!" Deidara said, holding up an economy-sized bag of sunflower seeds. "Yeah, un!" Azuki clapped in glee as they began throwing more and more things into their cart.

Meanwhile, Itachi and Kisame were going down the frozen foods aisle. Oh and Sakon too.

"Lets get some TV dinners for...well no reason really. I just like them" Kisame said, putting a bunch of different TV dinners in the cart. Itachi shrugged and did the same.

"Why did you get all those Lean Cuisine meals?" Kisame asked.

"I'm watching my figure." Itachi replied, stoicly.

"ZOMG what the hell is wrong with you?" Kisame asked.

"Well...you see..." he burst out into overly-dramatic tears "SASUKE CALLED ME...F...FAT!" he bawled.

"Itachi-san, you aren't fat...Jiroubou is fat." Sakon said, patting his back.

And now to Jiroubou, Chouji and that one fat guy from Speed Grapher episode 1.

"Hey, lets get the economy sized beef jerky tub!" Jiroubou squealed like the little piggy he was.

"Yeah, and while we're at it, can I get the ultra-big-box-of-bags-of chips?" Chouji siad, holding up a box full of bags of his favourite chips. They all started piling things into their cart.

Pretty soon, they all met up at the giant kayak in the middle of the store. Itachi Kisame and Sakonhad a whole cart full of TV dinners, the Chubby Crew had a cart full of economy-sizedsnack food,Deidara and Azuki had two carts full of everything but the kitchen sink, and Envy had a cart full of...Envy. Yesh, he was sitting in a cart, in the middle of the store. After everyone gad congregated there, their was silence as they stared at the homonculus.

"Um...Envy? Why are you sitting in a shopping cart in the middle of the store?"

"Cuz I _feel_ like it." Envy said.

So they all stood there in slience until a huge thunderbolt struck outside and the power flickered on and off. They all screamed "AAAH!" at the loud 'BOOM'.

"Hey, they power's out." Envy said

"Way to state the obvious, un." Deidara said sarcastically.

"Yeah, no shit sherlock, we can all see the darkness." Neji spat, mad that he'd dropped his free sample of Aunt Jemima Pancakes.

Suddenly, a voice came over the intercom.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE! I JUST PEED MY PANTS!" one announcer said.

"GOOD FOR YOU!" the people screamed in response.

The other announcer then came over the intercom, "Ahem, my apologies for my co-worker's stupidity. I'm sorry to report that due to that huge lightning thing, the store will be closed until we can remove the tree from in front of the door. So, in other words, if you need to get out, you're pretty much screwed." and then the intercom clicked off.

"Wow, he's sure polite, isn't he?" Itachi said sarcastically.

"So, what? Are we stuck here?" Sakon asked

"Yes. I suppose so..." a cardboard cutout of John Kerry said.

"Shit! Now I'm gonna miss the new episode of 'Days of Our Lives'!" Sakon cried. Tayuya came over and cried too.

"And I'm gonna miss Puni Puni Poemy!" the redhead cried. So Sakon and Tayuya did a 'Sad-cry-no-go-tv' dance of doom and sadness.

"O-kay, if you two are done, can we-" but whoever was talking got cut off by...THE DOOM SONG!

So Gir and a monkey came to sing the doom song.

"And then Itachi came out of Bobobo's head with a corndog and some tofu!"

TO BE CONTINUED...or something.

* * *

Notes: 

1. Ashley is a friend of mine in real life, and the quote I made her say about why she hasn't killed Winry is actually something she wrote in our group fanfiction.

2. Finder77 is one of my bestest fanfiction friends. Check out her profile and stories!

3. I don't want to go too in-depth with anything else, so I'll just let you figure the rest out on your own. If you have any questions or comments, well REVIEW! Or PM me.

* * *

Haha...about time I updated, eh? Well, life's tough, and although it took a while to update, thats the way it goes. I'll update soon, I promise! 

**PLEASE REVIEW, FOR THE SAKE OF TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND REALLY GOOD SUSHI!**

**oOoOoOo**


	10. And Then There Were None

Here it is, everyone, the long awaited update of my awesome story of awesomeness.

Sorry its so short, but you'll figure out why if you read the notes at the end.

**I DON'T OWN NARUTO...YEAH.**

**If I did, my name would be Masashi Kishimoto and I'd be in Japan drawing the newest chapter of Naruto. And I'm not.**

**I DON'T OWN ANY ANIME OR MANGA OR LA BLA BLA.**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

Azuki sat in the middle of the snack foods aisle, eating cannoli creme by the light of a single alcohol lamp.

"Hey!" Itachi looked at her "Where'd you get that?" he pointed at the cannoli creme.

"Bakery."

"But...Sasori's living in the bakery."

"So? He let me come in and get a cannoli." Azuki shrugged, licking cannoli creme off her fingers.

"He wouldn't let me in! I wanted some cookies to trade with Gaara! He's taken up roost in the bathroom and won't let me in unless I pay him with cookies!" he danced back and forth "And I _really_ have to go to the bathroom!"

"There's a bathroom over here, hidden behind all the bean-bag chairs." Azuki said boredly, pointing to the door behind her.

"OH-EM-GEE THANK YOU!" Itachi dashed off to the bathroom.

-meanwhile-

"Hmmmmmmm..." Deidara was asleep on a bean bag chain in the giant kayak hanging from the ceiling. So, technically, he was suspended about 20 feet off the ground. He rolled over and nearly fell off the side of the boat. "No more potatoes for me...I'm on a diet..but I'd like a free doggie woof woof..." he mumbled in his sleep. Wrath, who was on the ground below bouncing on a trampoline, wondered silently to himself _'What the hell is that guy dreaming about?'_

Suddenly, a huge roar of thunder cracked the somewhat peaceful silence made by the new inhabitants of Costco. Deidara jumped up and fell out of the boat and landed splat on the ground, Wrath paled and fainted, Itachi came running out of the bathroom in his boxer shorts, Sasori jumped in the cannoli creme to hide, Winry...exploded, and Azuki jumped up and hid behind Itachi.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!! AHHHH! AHHHHH!!!" Deidara started running around the whole building screaming his lungs out, knocking over random stuff, eating cheese, etc. Finally, the chaos calmed down. But Deidara kept repeating what he had been doing.

"DEIDARA! SHUT-UP!"

Deidara stopped in his tracks, blinking. "O-kay."

Then it became silent. _Too_ silent.

Itachi was scared. _Too_ scared.

The ceiling was littered with waffles. _Too_ waffles.

"O-kay! I think we get the idea!" Kisame screamed at the authoress-narrator person.

"WELL EXCUUUSE ME! I'M TOO BUSY CUZ EVERYONE KEEPS SENDING A MILLION QUESTIONS FOR 'Ask Akatsuki' O-KAY?!" then the authoress exploded and everyone was covered in little pieces of authoressness.

"Eew...I got the ear.." Deidara gagged as he held up an ear.

"NOOOOOOOO MY PRECIOUS EAR!" the Authoress' mouth screamed.

"Can we find the free sample lady and eat all the mini-quiches and stuff?" Azuki asked, tugging on Itachi's sleeve.

"Ooh! ooh! And little mini bagel pizzas!" Zetsu joined Azuki in hopping up and down.

"Bagel pizzas, Itachi!" Azuki squealed

"O-kay fine." Itachi sighed.

So Zetsu, Itachi, and Azuki set off on a quest to find the mini bagel pizzas.

Two weeks passed faster than anyone could've guessed. After numerous concussions, weed-spray problems, and other abnormalities, as well as a pile of fat cats named Milo, the group realized its summer was at an end.

"Holy shit...I just realized...SUMMER IS ALMOST DEAD!" Tayuya screamed. Right in Sakon's ear.

* * *

-mini shout-out time! HI CHAD!-

* * *

"Yes, thanks for informing us of that, now PLEASE STOP SITTING ON ME LIKE I'M A CHAIR!" Kimimaro screebled.

And then...the worst thing ever happened.

A HUGE PACK OF SKITTLES RAINED FROM THE SKY AND KILLED EVERYONE!

...not really.

A giant sign fell, smushing the Akatsukimobile and Zetsu's -ahem- 'illegal friends'.

What did the sign say?

**"SEE YOU NEXT SUMMER!"

* * *

**

**Notes:**

Yes, this is the last chapter. I was tired of letting the story sit and rot, unfinished, so I decided to let it sit and rot, but FINISHED!

Sorry folks, but I'm not interested in Naruto anymore. or rather, I'm not AS interested. I don't like Itachi much anymore, but I do like Kimimaro lots and lots, and I think Tayuya should totally date Cid in some parallel universe thing.

If Shera was dead.

I like the Akatsuki, mainly Deidara and Leader-sama.

I'm going to TRY to finish the other Naruto fics I have going, though. Then I'll be starting on some Bleach, Speed Grapher, Gantz, and otherwise fun stuff.

Try and guess who Zetsu's 'friends' are.

Uhm, oh yes. Screebled is a word. In my world, behind the Tennozou towers and Hitsugaya's mountain of paperwork, the magick dictionary of wonderfulness says 'screebled' is a word. So, there.

Dedicated to all my loyal fans, who've pressured me to kick this dead horse 'till it started moving again.

**oOoOoOo**


End file.
